My friend Gary, an experienced practitioner in muscle testing or applied kinesiology(*), offered me last year to experience a session testing my body answer to personal issues. For those curious about what emotional processing or release of childhood emotions, such as grief, looks like for an adult, here is an example. Honestly, the best model for emotional fluidity are small children who are naturally experts at it. But, the principle is basically not different for an adult. It is just that we have learned to control and avoid the natural process.
So here is example of how emotional release works when truth got exposed and we are open for it to touch our heart and let it “hit the fan” as the saying goes. Of course this is just a short insight of what lies there for me…
When I release childhood causal grief, I always cry like and feel like a little child, and generally afterwards, I feel like a different person, lighter, like if some long stored heaviness left me and I have yet to discover my new born self. Very bizarre.
When I cry angry like a “poor me” or blaming others adult that does not get what he wants, it just hurts and keeps hurting, and I feel terrible, no positive change happens within me. I have learned to know how that is a self deceptive manufactured emotion I feel, not a causal life changing one. That is not the true soul healing by processing of emotions I am talking about here.
To me, releasing childhood grief and shame has been a deep healing process allowing me to discover for the first time, bit by bit, a sense of who I truly am, without my facades and fears etc. Those intense emotional processing moments, especially with the loving caring embrace of God and my guides, have provided me with a taste of experience of intense surrender and peace and happiness as I felt a little bit how it is wonderful to be the real undeveloped me God created, without all the crap and injuries present all the time. It feels like feeling fully alive for the first time.
Feeling my emotions and experiencing how it has changed quite me a bit, has been instrumental not only in getting to know myself better, but in becoming more truthful with self and others, more sensitive to emotions, more responsible for what I feel, and growing some faith in the soul healing process as Jesus has been teaching for the last 2000 years and is teaching now again with Mary.
I believe that true healing through releasing causal emotions such as grief eventually leads us to becoming emotional like a child again, passionate curious, adventurous in all endeavours and pursuits of life.
There is still a long road for me to go, to let go more layers of deep sadness and shame and all kinds of false beliefs about who I believe I am, and to start to like myself without all the false construction I thought to be me.
Last year when I visited Australia for a few months, I have had the privilege to interview a few of my friends who are “Divine Truth followers” in the sense that have been listening and at least attempting to engage the Divine Truth teachings to various extents in their life.
They have been courageous enough to accept my invitation and come expose to a public audience intimate accounts of their life and some of their personal experiences and feelings since they have discovered the Divine Truth Teachings.
Each interview is based on a list of questions that you can find under the video along with a direct timeline link to the video. The series of questions are generally divided in 3 parts (4 parts in a different set of questions for David Walsh due to his particular life):
Discovery of Divine Truth
Personal experiments about Divine Truth
I have personally found very inspiring what they agreed to share and I have been often deeply touched by their courage and sincerity. I hope you will enjoy listening to them as much as I did when we recorded them and that it might inspire you to engage the Divine Truth teachings in your life as well. All these people are really beautiful persons to get to know better. Another 2 interviews have still to be edited and will be added to this blog later.
For the moment, these interviews are unlisted on YouTube and only to be viewed from the link on this page. So, that does not make them easily available for a larger audience as I wish to. Should anyone already own a Divine Truth sharing YouTube channel for English speakers and wish to share the interviews there, let me know, and I will send you the files for upload. Otherwise, I might create in the future a new YouTube channel dedicated to publish them.
Interview 1 in 2 parts: Tim Vögelin
Interview 2 in 4 parts : David Walsh aka Cornelius
This is everybody’s birth potential gift from God. Not a childish imaginary dream, not a thought or a religious idea, not a creation of our imagination. A reality. Yes.
If only this was taught by our care takers and school teachers as a potential reality, then children would naturally want to become their best available potential. They would reach out to become the best and happiest person they can become. Who would not? Spiritual and moral life would become paramount, an imoveable reality in our society.
Any interest in becoming the best you can ever be?
Every moment, we reap what we sow. Not according to our understanding of human or God’s spiritual and moral laws. According to God’s actual laws. So we have better to discover and understand God’s laws if we ever want to become an angel the best we can ever be.
This takes commitment and lot’s of time and study and experimenting. And courage.
Personally I had not a clue about it. I have now more of a devil full of false beliefs and unloving intentions than an angel. Because this is what I have been taught to be and that was what I chose to believe in during most of my life. But it does not have to stay like this. I have not learned anything about God’s way before I was 44 after I decided to question and seek the source of my own pain and the ways to heal it. Becoming more God’s like is possible for anybody who desires it. This is a challenging road for sure but the joy of discovery and growth in disconstructing the false beliefs and facade is worth the effort 1000 times.
When I shared about it on a public place back a few years ago, the only audience who believed they might follow a way to become an angel were children. They were curious. They questioned me. They were willing to keep an open heart and mind that it might be true and it is best to investigate. It is the place where the experiment can start.
We have to keep as an adult this open investigative mind/heart if we ever want to become the best we can. This is a important quality.
In this incredible time, the way to become an angel has been made available for all again thanks to Jesus and Mary and 12 other angels who have come back from the highest heaven to teach how to do it by exemple. Just for the sake of love. What a gift!
For more information about who and what are angels:
I have been experimenting during all my life not wanting to take personal responsibility, pendering to others fear and anger, pleasing others in order to get feel good feelings from them back at me, avoiding that I have my own will, avoiding the consequences of my actions, avoiding to follow my own desires and do what others want me to do instead, and freaking out about making mistakes when I made my own choices. I am an expert in all of that. And I can say for sure this experiment leads to the depletion of the soul, to pain sadness to anger wanting to blame anybody and the world for it.
Exploring my own will has been a great idea and I have started it 13 years ago putting all my resources into it, all my time and money. However, I have not desired to take responsibility for my choices and actions. I have always wanted to avoid every bit of potential painful outcome and it sucks. Until recently.
I also have been exploring when my will is unpopular, not cool, against family friends or society standards, but not yet – the worse for me – when someone got scared or angry and tried actively to convince me it is best not or to manipulate me into not doing it… Here again the experiment has started only recently for me.
For the last 6 months experimenting, every choice, everything I have desired to do from a desire to take more responsibility in my life even sometimes against somebody else pushing me hard not to do it ( it is wrong it is terrible …), has revealed a good thing and brought peace and joy and harmony in my soul and also in those around me as a result of it. So getting to experience that I have a will of my own even against all odds is a fantastic discovery.
The second thing that definitely has been a worthwhile experiment is seeking radical truth about myself and the universe I live in. I have been experimenting this for the last 13ish years and while it might have hurt at times when I have discovered unloving things about me, eventually the outcome has always been more joy and freedom when I got to emotionally accept it as a truth about me. Today I see and understand way more – although far from all yet – of myself – the good and bad – not judging it and it brings joy and freedom in my soul. Some things I still want to avoid about who I truly am and this brings pain and sadness and ressentiment.
I can now say that “self-responsability” – which is by Jesus definition, a sincere seeking for Love and Truth and understanding of all principles of God’s laws and Love and Truth, and the loving expression and ownership of all my feelings and desires and emotions and intentions (in a humble way to engage and feel them and not blame the world for not to) – bring a positive compensation, a deep soul based feeling of joy and peace that I am all right and safe.
Self Responsibility is a Key aspect to soul development that leads to true happiness, positive outcomes and compensation.
I am still afraid in many circonstances but I am growing some faith in this and faith helps to overcome fears.
A few weeks ago I received an invitation from Laura Berry, a Facebook friend, to write a poem about humility and the way to God. Here is what she wrote:
A Journey To Humility
Hi all, I have been wanting to do this for about 6 months, and It feels like a stronger desire now, I would like to put together an anthology of poems that are about yours/our journeys to humility and in relation to God, I want this anthology to be a safe place people can talk about God and express their feelings and what they have learned (hopefully the uplifting aspects). This can include any experience, revelations, moments on your journeys where you have felt humbled or surrendered to your emotions and the benefits and beauty of that. God is allowed to be included 🙂
I would like to collect as many as possible in the next coming year, and will then collaborate them all into a pdf, book, for free distribution. Anyone can share it or put it on their blogs etc. All I ask is for honesty and love to go into your work. Poems or prose, and to keep it in theme and on the topic of humility. length doesn’t matter, 4 lines, or two pages. Rhyming or non rhyming. Experience doesn’t matter. Nor how many you wish to submit, the more the merrier. But I would like those contributing to be open to God and the teaching of the divine love and who see it as a positive and beautiful thing.
The intention is to create a free book that uplifts people into the beauty of humility and helps open souls to this quality and helps people see the positive value of humility in all our lives.
It is an experiment, labour of love and a service. ❤
But hopefully a beautiful book will be created at the end of it and as I have found writing poems, helps me grow my soul in the area it is about too, so there may be personal benefits in writing the poems or prose.
If any one is interested, If they could IM me on fb, or email me at email@example.com with the poem or prose, email titled Humility Poem, email address and your name, also any blog or website I can credit the authors with, listed at the end of the book.
When the book is ready for distribution, I will email you and send you all the pdf, which you can add to blogs, pass to people interested as you wish.
At the moment it will be unillustrated, unless an illustrator comes forth.
If there aren’t many poems will still produce a mini one. The book will be called ´A Journey To Humility´ to help keep people in theme, and it conveys the intention of the book.
Hopefully a positive book about the topic of humility and God will be the end result. 🙂❤
(Also if you have any suggestions let me know, this is a project and I want it to be loving.)
Here is what I finally wrote and sent back to Laura, it is about the Greatest Experiment, and how I discovered God through sincere prayer.
“The Greatest Experiment
God was not real for me before then.
It was just a
This was what
my parents told me.
I said no
But inside, I
was questioning it.
How do they
I started a
quest for healing and truth when I turned 40.
I just wanted
to know the truth about me,
Life did not
make any sense to me,
years, and then dying in pain and suffering.
How can that
be just the end of the story?
I wanted to
know who I am and why am I here,
happens after I die,
And the truth
about all the questions,
That never got
answered when I was a child.
After about 4
years of this quest,
And many discoveries,
fully satisfied my curiosity,
I got given the
prayer for Divine Love,
wrote in the first century,
I learned and
recited by heart the prayer,
I prayed many
times a day,
Every day for
I was sitting
There was no
to my teacher from then,
I found a
link to the Divine Truth YouTube channel.
watching the Secrets of the universe video,
other teachings about God, and the human soul too.
I felt very
emotional and moved.
I cried a lot.
I did not
understand what was happening to me.
I could not
help but keep watching more and more videos,
As I kept experiencing
All of a
There was a
moment where everything changed in my life.
I wanted to know so strongly.
my heart was open to feel the truth.
I was humble to feel my emotions.
I was open to feel loved.
my prayer was personal and emotional and felt like this,
God, I don’t
believe You are real, but,
If You really
exist and have Love for me,
Please let me
feel it now.
An intense and
powerful flow of energy entered my heart.
I started crying
loud like a baby.
I fell in
tears onto my knees and asked,
Why have You
ignored me all these years?
Why have you
never been present when I needed you?
I felt immediately
another flow of energy entering me as an answer,
I have always
been there with you,
It is You
that have closed your heart to Me.
God got me by
I lost any
notion of time and space.
extremely safe for the first time in my life,
and vulnerable like a baby.
A feeling of
bad can happen.
I became afraid
to be so emotional,
I closed my
heart and feelings again.
God was gone.
I fell profoundly
day, I knew for sure,
I have a
Father that loves me.
God is always
there for me.
It is up to me
to get into a condition of sincerity and openness,
desire, feel and hear God.
days and weeks I kept praying.
But God did
not answer me.
harder and harder.
It was like
he deserted me again.
My prayer was
and connected to me.
thoughts and felt emotions,
That I believed
to be God’s and mine.
But there was
not the same soft and gentle presence.
overwhelming quality of Love entering me.
Over time, I
learned to discern between God and spirits.
They are just
human that once lived on earth and have passed.
day, I connected to God again.
My prayer was
And I felt
am I to stay closed to such a beautiful and generous being?
how I missed God and desired Him in my life.
God is the
best Parent and Friend,
The best Teacher
waiting for you to open your heart.
You do not need a book to know, Only to personally engage the Greatest Experiment.”
Then, I shared a second part I called “God is the solution”, about how important and challenging it is to develop a true relationship with God, and how much sincerity and humility you need therefore, and what I learned about this experiment over 7 years :
“God is the solution
years, I started having a bit more experience with prayer.
I learned to
know what a sincere prayer entails.
answers instantaneously a sincere prayer.
When I do not
feel God’s answer,
I know it is
not God’s desire to let me down.
It is always
my lack of sincere desire that blocks the communication.
Now, I know
God is my Mother too.
It is even
harder for me to connect to Her.
Because of my
unhealed relationship with my earthly mother.
My desire for
Her is insincere.
helping me to heal my relationship with the opposite gender and my partner.
helping me to open my heart.
helping me to become softer and emotionally humble like a child.
helping me to become more sensitive to my pain when I break God’s laws of love.
helping me to feel more love for others, nature and all creatures.
helping me to discover all my unhealed emotions,
anger, fear and sadness, guilt and shame,
So, I can
feel and release them,
And get free
of pain and suffering.
helping me to feel how I lack love for self
helping me to feel how I am addicted to others liking me.
helped me to meet Alan John Miller,
Who claims to
be Jesus of the Bible.
Jesus says he
reincarnated on Earth
With 13 other
people from the highest heavens.
in Australia, and teach about having a personal relationship with God.
It is thanks
to Jesus that I got to discover God.
God’s Love transforms the soul into a Divine angel.
he was the first Divine angel in the first Century,
And that we
can all become a Divine angel.
You just need
to desire it.
angel has no fear.
Only love and
angle is immortal,
And may grow
his soul and receive new abilities,
because of God’s Love.
Even a human
soul perfected in natural love is mortal,
in growth and abilities,
first forgive all the people who harmed them in their life,
for all the people and things they harmed in their life,
they treated God,
ever can become a Divine angel.
This must be
done according to God’s definition of love and harm,
definition of love that is incorrect.
Now, I know
God is real and loving.
God is not
the rageful God of the Bible that men created.
God is a God
of Love, Truth, Tenderness, Power, Abundance and Creativity.
God taught me
God made me
feel all people are really my brothers and sisters.
God made me
feel my earthly parents were just care takers,
God is my
true parents who created my soul.
God made me
feel I have a soulmate who is the other halve of my soul.
God made me
feel everybody can become a Divine angel like Jesus teaches, even myself.
God’s Love is
faith that everything is well,
the dark night of healing the soul.
and loving God is a great idea.
This is the
best way to go.
It does not
matter what others might believe.
If they do
not know or believe in God,
It is just
because they have not engaged the Greatest Experiment yet.
must know that God’s Love is waiting for them.
God wants to
have a relationship with each and every one of Her children.
God’s Love is
the solution for changing the world,
Into a loving
place of one single family,
Caring for self, others and the environment. “
Feel free to write your own humility poem and email it back to Laura at firstname.lastname@example.org
I do not support this article and did not give permission for Be Scofield to use parts of my testimony in it.
It is a radically sensationalized article with absolutely no care or love shown to any of the victims or Padma himself. It is an article of grandiose attack of Padma, full of unhealed anger and resentment, turning Padma into the evil man and a cult to fear, and all people testifying as just ‘poor victims’. It does not explain anything real about the ‘why’ it happened, and that the victims were often open to, and willing to stay in an abusive relationship, and attracted it in some way. It is just another article feeding the public terror of abusive and violent male cult leaders.
While the quotes in the article are truths that were shared by the victims, and I am not disputing the articles factual information, I feel the article’s intention is to glorify another cult story and attempting to pull Padma down and seek out ‘justice’, which is just guised as revenge.
I had a conversation with Be Scofield just after the article’s publication. I asked her how she could have used parts of my testimony without my permission, and she told me that a journalist can use any piece of writing that has been already made public. Whilst I do not know whether it is true or not, there was a disclaimer in the introduction of the FB public page with my and others testimonies (https://www.facebook.com/groups/840490166135558/?multi_permalinks=842212539296654¬if_id=1520536003028049¬if_t=feedback_reaction_generic&ref=notif ) “No part of these testimonials may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, without the prior written permission of the person testifying”, and I feel it is completely immoral and unethical for a journalist to exploit such sensitive information without any regard for the individual’s involved.
Nothing healing can come out of an article like this. It is a mixture of dark, satanic, alien nonsense which takes away from the loving intention that many of us came out publicly for. I avoided this type of article coming forth, by not participating with journalists who we felt lacked integrity, but I cannot and do not want to control what others choose to do with their free will.
Journalist Deidre Olsen interviews me about my testimony regarding meeting Padma Aon Prakasha, renewed public author and spiritual teacher, and how I became his student and teacher, being blindly emotionally manipulated and abused by him, and how I later realized it all.
I further explain how Jesus and Mary helped me to become aware of my injuries and spiritual facade that made me open to Padma’s manipulations and abuses just because I was ignoring and avoiding my early childhood trauma’s. I became then unconsciously driven by pain and fears in a quest to feel good about myself: validated, approved, worth and special. Now that I have become more aware of my own childhood injuries, and have exposed and deconstructed a fair bit of my spiritual façade, people with evil intentions cannot abuse my weaknesses anymore in the same way Padma did. I do feel freedom and joy coming from knowing myself better, and being a more sincere and truthful expression of my true self, even though I have many other aspects of me that still need to be exposed, and healed.
This testimony is part of a group of factual testimonies of people who have dared to speak truth in a loving, non attacking way. They have all been abused in various ways and intensity by Padma Aon Prakasha over the years of meeting him, being his partner, student or assistant. Here is fist an introduction stating our intention.
We have created a forum dedicated to collect the factual testimonies of people who have been physically, sexually or emotionally abused by Padma Aon Prakasha. Each member of this group has freely chosen to share their testimonials abiding to the following criteria;
Identify yourself honestly and openly providing your full birth name, (and other names known by) and contact details.
Write your testimony as factually as you can remember.
Be prepared to speak up in a public manner.
Testimonies that are attacking towards Padma Aon Prakasha or show no personal responsibility for the attraction to him, will not be published on this page.
Padma Aon Prakasha is a public figure known as an international spiritual teacher, healer and author of spiritual books: ‘The Power of Shakti,’ ‘Womb Wisdom,’ ‘Sacred Relationships,’ ‘The Christ Blueprint’, ‘The Nine Eyes of Light: Ascension Keys from Egypt,’ ‘Dimensions of Love,’ and ‘Sacred Wounds: Original Innocence.’
His biography on the Amazon website reads;
‘Padma Aon Prakasha is an evolutionary author, visionary creative force and spiritual teacher. Padma holds the power of great change and transformation, and is part of the new generation of evolutionary guides. He combines all his multiple lineage initiations, teachings and skills into being a powerful catalyst for soul expansion. His ability to tap into the heart of the ancient mysteries and articulate their modern day message is renowned, and he has been described as, “Unique, provocative, fresh, full of profound integrity, knowledge and experience.’
Padma is described by other well-known spiritual teachers in public domains in the following way;
“Padma Aon Prakasha is a rare find. He has the unique ability to transport your body, mind and soul to the next octave of consciousness with his words of wisdom, heartfelt questions, and vast love for everyone he meets.”
“Power of Shakti is a book of hope and healing. It gives us the keys to heal the old wound resulting from the repression of the feminine power of the world”
Since 1997, Padma has taught in over 20 countries worldwide.
Padma claims to assist others to deepen their connection with the Divine and develop a loving connection with yourself, with your partner, and with the world around.”
For those of us who have publicly shared our testimonials, we would like to express the purpose and our intentions of contributing in this way.
Although each person testifying here has known Padma at different times, come from different countries, are varied in age group and have often never met in person, we all have similar desires and similar emotional injuries that attracted Padma into our lives.
We all had a strong desire to seek a spiritually powerful man who claimed to have the gift to heal our emotional wounds, which could ultimately enable us to reach our full potential and connect with God. We willingly gave him our power, and due the unhealed emotional injuries within us, allowed ourselves to be controlled and abused. For the women who testify here, many have been sexually abused by Padma. These women are initially attracted to him due to their need to feel special, feel sexually pure, (most have some sexual trauma from their childhood), and to be attached to a man whom they believe is spiritually powerful. He does not need to revert to rape, because he gains control over these women and they willingly give themselves to him. Padma gains power over women by telling them that he can heal their wombs and open them up to greater freedom, joy and spiritual fulfilment.
As each of us looked up to him as someone with authority and superior to us, we unconsciously affirmed our own deep sense of inferiority and feelings of unworthiness, which came from our early childhood experiences.
The decision to create this platform for individuals to share their testimonials was inspired by AJ Miller and Mary Luck. More can be found out about them and their teachings on www.divinetruth.com. Padma was introduced to these teachings in 2010. Padma uses many of these truths shared on Divine Truth and teaches them as his own. Very often he has plagiarized from AJ Miller and manipulated the teachings for his own personal gain. The Divine Truth teachings have inspired and facilitated the healing of several individuals who have been abused by Padma and who have testified. If it weren’t for these two individuals, this platform would not exist and many of us would not have had the courage, or gone through the necessary healing, in order to write our testimonials.
The intention of going public is that when others, who are seeking a spiritual teacher or healer, do an internet search, they are able to find factual information warning them about Padma and his abuse of so many students and partners.
This platform does not support attacking Padma or intentionally setting out to harm him. We wish to protect any violent attacks on Padma, or any other person, by the public and because of this choose to make this page a viewing platform only. It is not open to comments, personal opinions, gossip, speculation, propaganda, or any unloving behaviour towards Padma or those who testify.
Padma has been given direct feedback consistently over the last 10 years. Everything that is shared here has been stated to Padma in the hope that he chooses to take loving actions. When people speak up and share the truth about him, he becomes violently rageful, attacking them in every possible way, and frightening them with threats of spirit attacks. This is also why many others do not wish to come forward and testify. They are very afraid of him.
All of us who have shared our stories are prepared for this potential attack, not only from Padma but from his followers who remain loyal to him. We have compassion for those who are still entrenched in his teachings and remain willingly in co-dependent abusive relationships with him. All of us understand the overwhelming desire to get our own addictions met; the need to feel special, important, powerful, healed, validated and worthy. When we want this so badly, we can do almost anything to have it met.
We would like to acknowledge the courage and remarkable bravery that we have all come to know in following through with this process. Every testimonial is precious and every soul has made one major step from spiritual blindness to some degree of clarity. We wish the same for everyone reading this and we pray with all our heart that your journey to find spiritual fulfillment and healing be kind, compassionate, gentle and loving.
“By their actions they shall be known.”
My personal testimony, dated 7/3/2018
NOTE: No part of this testimony may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, without my prior written permission.
“I have met Padma for the first time in organized tour in Egypt called the Tantra of Light in February 2008. I simply discovered a link marketing the tour through internet.
The first time I met Padma, I was very impressed by him as he welcomed me with a large impressive hug, with a large smile, full of love as if he knew me already and I was his best friend. I became quickly very attracted to Padma’s teachings and personality because he would make me feel special, helped and supported, important. He was attractive to me, powerful, fearless, and what I thought was a spiritually evolved person. I wanted to become like him on that respect. I had – and still have – a very low sense of self, was looking for a substitute father’s figure that inspired and loved me, and was also very said in my own intimate relationship. I was in a condition to be very easily manipulated, and I would almost accept everything coming from him in the hope to become spiritually evolved and worthy. I really wanted to feel special, worth of his attention and care, and he fed this addiction perfectly.
Padma was most of the time really good and friendly with me, like a really good friend that cares about me, and one that really see me and value me as I truly am. I was feeling good because he met most of my addictions to feel good about myself, most of the time. So, I grew a strong sense of trust towards him that he wanted just all good for me and others.
However, on a few occasions, all along the time I have known him, this is more than 3 years, he has been attacking my sense of self-worth, telling me how I was still full of errors and underdeveloped spiritually. I would really feel terrible about myself, like a piece of shit, and then in this space, he would tell me he knows what I need to do to grow, and how I could heal. In this way, Padma was creating in me a kind of link of dependence where I felt he knows better, he is more developed, I need him to heal myself, and so, I should listen to him.
Sometimes I would feel really scared of Padma’s sudden violent behaviour towards the group of someone in particular, but then I would reason myself that this was love in action, and that it was just for the benefit of us or that person that Padma had to be that firm. This is what I thought love would be because Padma knows best what love is.
I also heard about his ‘violent’ treatments of women, through hearing women getting suddenly angry at him, or seeing his assistant or lovers being suddenly banned and disappearing without any explanation, but I did not dare to really investigate and question his authority about why he chose so. I was scared of his unexpected violent reactions, his attacking my sense of worth or rejecting me as well, and I did not dare to question his authority.
Padma recommended me to break with my 9-year-old partner because she was not ‘spiritual’ enough and we had no sexual intimacy for the last 2 years. He told me that I need sexual intimacy to grow spiritually. I was very said in my relationship at that point in time, and easily manipulated into leaving my partner. I wanted to feel sexually worth as a man and felt completely sexually rejected by my partner, but we were still good friends and she was a good and friendly person. Already in Egypt, as I was still in relationship, I started flirting with another woman that had been praised by Padma in front of the whole group, and I felt Padma’s approval. I was not even sexually attracted by that women. I also felt other women sexual projections onto me, and felt really worth as a man.
While I was still in relationship, Padma kept pressurize me into engaging sexual intimacy with other women. I told my partner about how despaired I felt, and we decided to take both some sexual freedom and see what happens. Then, I started to occasionally sexually engage with other partners with the hope to grow spiritually and to get Padma’s approval, and I felt better about myself.
Eventually, I decided to leave my partner. When I left her, I staid single for 6 months. Padma then manipulated me into entering a relationship with one of his female student. What happens is that Padma told me during my first trip in Egypt with him, how this woman and me could potentially become really great teachers of him if we were together in an intimate relationship. I was really excited about that possibility to become a teacher. But, I felt really scared of that woman and did not feel to flirt with her. Padma knew that this woman felt attracted to me. He asked me to play her ‘sacred’ partner’s role in the centre of a private ceremony of 40 people during the tour in Egypt. This was really weird as I was playing a role but my heart was not sincerely involved. We eventually became friends, but nothing more. Then, more than a year after the Egypt tour, as I was single for 6 months, Padma told me during a workshop in South of France: “You really need a partner to keep growing spiritually, ask your soul what partner you soul wants”. I was looking so much for his approval and wanted to become important as a teacher that I answered the name of this woman he introduced to me in Egypt. Then, Padma pressurized me on the spot to write her an email inviting her to be my partner. I was really terrorized, but I felt that it was the right thing to do to grow spiritually and serve the world. So, I did write to her, and she directly accepted. We entered a relationship, and eventually got married. After paying both a lot of money to be trained as Padma’s teacher, we became Padma’s official teachers. I believed I was becoming someone “special”, useful, doing healing and helping lots of people. We end up teaching a few workshops together in Europe and I enjoyed it very much. The relationship felt terrible at times, and really abusive to me, and at a few occasions I really wanted to run away. I was staying just for the wrong reason, to try to do the right thing, to keep having Padma’s approval. I did not know what I would do if I left her. I would lose Padma’s approval, I would lose my new job and sense of worth as a teacher. I was terrorized.
The next year, while we were Padma’s assistants training new teachers on an internet Forum, I discovered the teaching of Divine Truth from AJ Miller and Mary Luck (www.divinetruth.com) that Padma was referring to more and more in his teachings about God and love. I became quickly fascinated by what AJ Miller was revealing in his teachings. This man felt so respectful of people free will, humble and kind, it was so different from the harsh treatment that Padma called love. I became really confused. I started to have more and more doubt and discomfort about Padma’s attitude towards his students and assistants. One day, I could not keep quiet, and I addressed and questioned publicly what I felt to be an unloving and manipulative post from Padma on the forum because I had learned from AJ Miller that love always honour people free will. As only response, I have been immediately banned from his team, and my partner who had nothing to do with it was banned too. It was really an outburst of rage from Padma with personal attack and threads. Nobody among the other teachers dared to say anything about it, they were all scared of facing the same fate.
Here is a copy of the email Padma sent me (back then known as Amael to Padma) and my partner on July 12, 2011. It illustrates very well the way Padma tends to put people self-worth down, and often accused them of projecting evil thoughts at him, when he feels threatened in his power and control;
“If you two wish to continue spreading delusion and theories without any back up or experience that you have had of them on my forum to my group, i will expell you within 12 hours.
Amael, your projections onto me with your ideals of perfection have happened three times in the last week, and only show something about you and your own wounds around perfection that bind you still. I will not be projected onto one more time by you.
If you are trying in some dim witted way to challenge me this is a very naive move to do. Know whom and what you are dealing with.
If you suddenly feel that you are all knowing about love and truth when you are just entering the 2nd sphere, i feel sorry for you.
I will not go around my group repairing damage you are doing with your ignorance.
Your brother Nico shared you wished to learn. I trust he is right.
You have neither right nor authority to offer anything in this community without consulting me first. There is only 1 leader here.
If you wish to set up your own community, then go for it with you 3. Good luck to you and may God Be with you.
If you wish to be part of this one, then i suggest you amend your attitude and become a bit more humble.
I have taken you both off the Forum. I may put you back if and when i feel a shift in you, or not. “
I was really under shock during a couple of days, but then, I started feeling a sense of deep relief to become free of Padma’s controlling influence. And so did my partner.
A week later, Padma wrote us a message to sort of apologize, but I did not feel any sincere regret, remorse, in his words, he was more justifying his past unloving behaviour:
Now the dust has settled and you are more on your track, i feel to share something with you both.
What has happened is for the best for everything, and i felt that from the beginning. This is why i did not feel to share anything before this.
None of us can be held in past reference points of who we were, as opposed to who we now are. Any projection or feeling of this is detrimental to who we actually are now and what we can become.
The error i made was not actually to do with what was being thought of by you, and was rectified within days of me making my outburst. The outburst was for different reasons than what you thought. I did not feel to share this with you as you both think of me as something i am not, and something from the past. I appreciated A. final response a little more as it was more aspiring to Truth; this was because A. was not projecting her own wound onto me and just sharing some principles. I am sorry if you were hurt by my outburst in any way, as i did not wish to create harm or offend anyone.
Whilst we all make errors of differing degrees, it is true that the sooner we rectify them the better, and there is no sin left when we do this fully.
I love you both, and wish you the best for your continuance into God now and in the spirit world. I have assisted your souls out of the hells, and this is what i agreed to do, with Gods Help.
God Bless you. Padma”
I wish Padma no harm. Today, I feel entirely responsible for all my unloving choices towards myself and many others under Padma’s influence, and I understand much more of why I attracted Padma into my life.
I just hope that my testimony, among others, will help to prevent more harm to be done to other people that come in contact with Padma, and that Padma may get to see the truth of his own condition, and eventually grow a desire to stop doing more harm to himself and others. Padma’s methods are not spiritual. It is an evil act to manipulate people’s injuries and weaknesses and harm them to our own benefit. I have learned today that true spirituality is all about truth, love and kindness…”
You may read other testimonies on the Facebook public forum.
I have learned that the only way to grow in love is act upon my loving burning desires, and then take full responsibility and feel whatever fear and terror comes up, and then keep on improving, correcting and doing it.
Now, I have just come back to Europe after attending God’s Way Volunteer Volunteer Selection Programme, and I will write more about it in the near future as it is the best experience and gift I have ever have received about learning to live God’s Way, and it is now time to act and experience God’s Way in service to the community.
I hope I will be able to share soon more of my current projects to experiment about God’s Way of Love, that is living in a gifting economy in service to the community and the environment.
I have just succeeded now to log in this blog I started in November 2013. Interestingly, after writing this draft below, I could never find my way to get back to WordPress and find this website draft and share it on the web until… today !
And this has happened just after I have felt a huge desire to serve Divine Truth lately, including to attend the Volunteer Induction Program in order to become a volunteer for Divine Truth and/or God’s Way of Love , and this month I have decided to volunteer full time for Divine Truth and see what’s going on.
My old Mac I am referring to below is still broken, and I have just finally manifested a beautiful 15′ Mac Power Book, being graciously gifted to me by my ex partner Sandra, 3 months ago. This has happened just a few days after I expressed really sincere desire for it to be able to share more of Divine Truth. And it is exactly what I asked for. Amazing.
However, it is not booting anymore now, after overheating a couple of times when attempting to create Video clips for Divine Truth, and needs repair as well. Hum…, God is showing me something about my soul here, and I am rather self creating computers issues or attracting spirit attacks related to my desire to share about Divine Truth, especially videos and clips of Jesus and Mary’s Teaching for YouTube, that I create and edit on Mac only. Fortunately, my mini rescue PC computer (oh my…, it has been so helpful and operational) has been working fine and I have not been refrained from sharing Divine Truth on the web, and translating Divine Truth documents into French, but editing video is very confined with it because it has not enough memory.
I forgot to mention that a couple of day after I started to dream about the Divine Truth Van (read below the story), I got offered a Van to buy from friends that I could use to travel around sharing Divine Truth.
Now, the “van” has not become a real thing, it has become the symbol of my soul wandering on God’s Way – and most of the time still on my own way to be honest – attempting to learn and discover and share some of God’s infinite Truth about the universe and everything in it.